And... honestly, because I feel guilty, I avoid spending time with Him... even though I know it will make me feel so much better about my life. And even though I know He still loves me the same. He's just waiting for me to be faithful.
I've realized that this whole growing up thing I'm doing is hard. Anyone who's having an easy time with it, please talk to me because I would love to hear about your experiences. I'm becoming who I'm supposed to be.. I'm reaching out into my destiny every day without even realizing it. Even with the mistakes I make; the things I say that I shouldn't, the places I go; the people I interact with... it's all apart of this larger scale... and I have no idea what the Lord is doing with it all. Things are starting to get serious.
It's just an adventure I suppose.
A few weeks ago, a former employee of my work came to our Halloween party. She may have been drunk but... she told me I changed her life. And that I'm an incredible person. How I changed her life? By telling her to listen to Coldplay... I told her it would change her life! There's more to the story but.. honestly, it just goes to show that the Lord is always doing something... even when you feel like your being useless and like what your trying to do for the Kingdom isn't working. Because at my work I have come into all sorts of persecution. Thats right, persecution; the Lord told me it was legit for me to use that word. HA! but really.. He did. And I've been wanting to quit because its so hard to deal with people who hate you and mock you just because your Christian. It's not a good environment for one to stay sane in, and I've been waiting for the Lord to release me from there. But He hasn't. And I know I just can't quit now.. when it gets hard. And He's starting to show me some effects of my working in such a place.. He has used me in the lives of three people. Three people I work with who may not have even given God another thought but because I'm the "Christian good girl hostess", they have. It's still hard, the snide remarks still come every time I walk in the door... but at least now I know that something is coming out of my faithfulness in this area.
This blog is long enough. Maybe someone will read it... maybe not. It's fine.. I just needed to write it.
Love
3 comments:
I read it
i know how you feel....one guy at my work, when finding out that I actually was saving sex for marriage, told me that I was the only person he'd ever heard of or known that has done that....i just looked at him like jim on the office and said "really? wow"
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