never say never

my contacts are hurting my eyes... I'm not sure why.

I wish life came with an instruction manual... that would be nice right, or even a pause button.. that would be great.

I wish I had more to say than I do right now, I haven't written in a while. 

Its been a hard fight... but I've been through worse honestly. This isn't even that big of a deal, its just kind of being dragged out when I wish it would just end. And I could just rest.

How do you determine a true friend? Please, someone help me with this one. Friendship is never one sided... its not true friendship if it is. I honestly feel like all I do is provide advice for everyone and never get any in return... like I pour into you but you never give me anything back... and I'm left empty. Everyone has issues/problems/something going on... its just do you care enough to ask about it rather than just being selfish. I'm by no means perfect, I find myself doing selfish things on a daily basis... please God point it out to me when I am being selfish and just thinking about myself. 

Saturdays are rough. well, not always.... only when I work. I end up not socializing all day... running errands... cleaning etc. and then off to work. and back to my apartment. Saturdays are not exciting.

Please Jesus...

sleep

I AM SO FRUSTRATED! beyond belief really... okay, thats exaggerating a little bit.

I'm so tired. mainly physically tired. and I'm tired of my flesh, because it makes everything so much harder for me. I wish I could just go go go all the time and not have it affect me. but it does.

I wish that I didn't build myself up for something... even denying that I'm doing it... just to get let down. why do I do that? I know the Lords faithful and I don' need to plan my own silly timeline or pathway. I know nothing.

I just want to sleep. forever.

loving every minute of it

My mind has been all over the place lately. Well, I guess not technically all over the place... just kind of around the same subject. I feel like I'm going crazy. But the Lord is faithful. So faithful. Really. and He's keeping me sane, as usual. He keeps me tied together.... even though just wanting to know His plans is the thing thats making me become unglued. Brokenness. Its a never ending process. He loves, even though it may hurt sometimes. He is good all the time.

This will be short because I have the first Reg practice of the semester. haha please Lord, please... help us. 

He will. 

sister

I'm listening to Andrew Cherry right now. go look him up on myspace. support him. he's good. and he loves the Lord. and we went to high school together.

other news, I'm back in Dallas. and it feels so good. I ran a ton of errands today... and spent lots of money that needed to be spent on things I need. such as food. and prescriptions. and I'm going to go running. and hang out with Tasia later. and her British friend. what a good day :) thank the Lord! He is good!

my apartment is really hot right now, but the air conditioning isn't working right now. its December. I shouldn't need to use the air conditioning. I'm rambling.

I realized the past few days that I have alot of bitterness stored up in me. and even though I might have reason to be angry with some people, it doesn't give me a right to be.  it doesn't give me a right to imagine beating them up. haha. but really. even though I might have been wronged in the past I just have to get over it, and love them anyways. like, really love them. sometimes its so much easier to love people you don't even know rather than the people you do know. its so sad. well, its hard for me anyways. God doesn't want me to have all this stored up anger, thats not like Him. and if I'm striving to be made into His image, then being bitter isn't really an option. He's helping me with that right now, because I can't deeply forgive without His help. I have realized I'm not capable of doing ANYTHING without His help. He's my world.

I guess thats all for now. I'm glad to be back :)