mystery

He loves to speak to us. To be the little faint whisper in the back of our minds, or to be the booming voice overshadowing everything else. Sometimes its easier when He's the booming voice... and thats very rare.

I'm now aware I'm not a child. Im not a teenager, I'm an adult. And I'm growing. I don't think we ever stop growing, as long as we allow the Lord to shift us and change us and shape us into the person He has called us to be, we're constantly changing. We should be constantly realizing our flaws and trying to change them; not in a negative way, but in a way of refining. Yes, at times its frustrating because we feel like we'll never be good enough... and in all honesty we won't ever be good enough... but the funny thing is, He just wants all of us, and then we're good enough for Him. So yes, I will always have my flaws, and I will always be trying to fix them... but as long as I've given myself to Him... He delights in me. Its so funny... I might not be good enough for my own standards... but I'm good enough for His. That sounds weird. Not that He has low standards, He just knows us better than we know ourselves. And when we mess up, or when we find a flaw in ourselves He's like "yeah, I've known that was there all along... I just showed it to you now for the purpose of you coming to Me, and resting in my arms instead of resting in your own strength."

Thats the beautiful image of the Father... rather than receiving a spanking every time we mess up, receiving mercy instead. And being in His embrace, staying there. Not getting up too quickly, not leaving Him when its convenient for us, but remaining with Him.

He's so good. :)

Up

so the past week and a half has been so hard. really. but the Lord is always faithful. always. even when my faith seemed to be decreasing.

He's been teaching me a lot lately. For my whole life, I have never really been a leader, I have had people lead me and tell me what to do. I never had the responsibility, partly I believe because I wasn't ready. Now I am. The Lord has been showing me that its my responsibility to be that person. To be the one that disciples. To really be the one that influences. So with this new responsibility, comes new requirements. And I'm totally okay with that, I just want to get closer and closer to Him. Not to say its easy, it hasn't been easy at all so far... but I feel His grace in my life like never before. 

I've already had to give some stuff up, but it was just fleshly stuff that my eyes were blinded to in the first place. I guess you could say I'm in the process of getting al this wickedness out of my heart. All those mean thoughts, I'm slowly becoming more and more aware of what is of the Lord and whats not.

I'm growing up I guess.

Me and Jill went to the Holocaust museum yesterday; its in the process of moving into a new building so it wasn't so huge and impressive, but it was so good and moving. I felt so insignificant and guilty. There was a quote that said something like "Evil doesn't happen because the evil people make it happen, it happens because none of the good people do anything about it." It was something like that...I don't remember exactly. But dang.

draw me away

God, I pray that through everything in my life, you would be glorified. That I do not need to strive to please these sons of man but only desire to please Your heart. God that You would grant me with your supernatural strength and wisdom to keep going and not loose heart. All I need is You. You have set everything out for me with a purpose in mind and You aren't leading me aimlessly! You are so good!!!! You have the best just waiting for me and You know my heart, You know whats going on in my head, You know my pain, You know exactly who I am and therefore you know exactly how I respond to every situation I am in. I have no need to fear. No need to get anxious, no need to be stressed. No need to worry.

But its hard.